(Originally published in Harvard Business Review, June 5, 2023)
You have an important presentation due in two days. After spending hours writing and polishing it, you’re finally confident that it’s in great shape. You send the final slides to your boss, hoping for a simple sign-off. “Hi Erna,” you write, “I would love to know what you think of this deck. Can I have your notes by EOD tomorrow?
Unexpectedly, she sends you back a shopping list’s worth of criticisms. (She clearly failed to read between the lines and realize that you were just looking for compliments.) In an instant, your pride spirals into self-doubt and stress.
Research shows that this situation is not uncommon — our desire for validation is human nature. At work, this can lead us to seek the approval of others and make us feel like failures when we don’t immediately get it. Once we’re stuck in this mindset, we’re less likely to learn and more likely to react defensively to useful critiques.
How do we overcome this (very normal) challenge? Timing when we ask for feedback can make all the difference.
What the Research Says
In one study, scientists discovered that people who sought feedback on a completed speech or draft were primarily looking for affirmation of their work. As a result, the constructive feedback they were given was less impactful — and this could be for a number of reasons. When we’re told to make a big change after finishing a project, we may feel anxious because the deadline is approaching. Similarly, if the feedback is to make several smaller changes, we may tell ourselves the feedback-giver is nit-picky to save our egos. Our instinct, in both situations, maybe to push back. Instinctually, we may defend ourselves, even when we know the other person is right.
In the same study, when people asked for feedback well before they had finished a project, their main motivation was to make their work better. As a result, the constructive feedback they were given was more impactful because it encouraged collaboration, learning, and inclusion. In summary, asking for feedback ahead of time is better for everyone.
The Right Way to Ask for Feedback
Ask early.
The sweet spot for asking for feedback is when your work — whether it is a project, a presentation, or something else — is about 50% to 60% complete, according to Dan Heath, the author of Upstream: The Quest to Solve Problems Before They Happen.
“I think a lot of writers make the mistake of getting 90% of the way there, and then they start asking for feedback,” Heath told me in a recent interview. “And at that point, if you get negative feedback, you can’t afford to take it on. Your instinct is going to be to push back and think, ‘Oh, well that’s just nit-picking,’ or, ‘I can’t afford to revisit that.’”
“Asking for feedback earlier in the process gives you the mental space to really re-think, if necessary,” Heath explained.
At work, asking your boss or peers for feedback earlier will demonstrate your willingness to adapt. More importantly, it will provide you with the opportunity to learn — to genuinely consider and implement suggestions that can elevate your work before you complete it. This process will ultimately make your work stronger, and in turn, you’re likely to receive less negative feedback once you do turn it in.
Ask for specifics.
When you do reach out for feedback, it’s important to ask for specifics. The more specific the feedback is, the easier it will be for you to incorporate it into your work. Heath explained that asking for vague feedback often gets you ingenuine responses. For example, if he were to ask someone, “What did you think of my book?” they would be more likely to say something positive to spare his feelings. Instead, he suggests asking pointed questions.
When asking for feedback on a particular project at work, think about what you really want to know. For instance, if you’re working on a presentation, do you want your coworkers or manager to critique how engaging it is? Do you want to know if the data on your slides are easy to understand, or are you looking for feedback on how effectively you’re able to craft the data into a story? The more pointed your questions are, the more useful the feedback will be. A pointed question might sound like:
- Does this data point make sense?
- Is the story I’m telling on slide 5 clear or confusing?
- Should I add more visuals to slide 7?
Ask often.
Gaining feedback on your overall work performance, as opposed to a one-off project, can be a little more tricky. The best approach is to initiate quarterly check-ins with your manager that are focused on getting formal feedback about your role and responsibilities. This is a good way to avoid unpleasant surprises once your annual performance review rolls around.
During these meetings, use the start‑stop‑continue framework to gather insights on your performance. Ask your boss for one thing you can start doing, one thing you can stop doing, and one thing you can continue doing — but remember to make your asks specific.
For instance, instead of saying, “What are some skills or behaviors that I need to improve?” you can say, “What can I start doing to further develop my project management skills?” Instead, of asking, “What are some things I can stop doing?” you can ask “Which of these projects is a greater priority for us right now? Instead of wondering, “What are some things that I’m doing well that I can continue to grow myself in?” you can pose the question, “What’s one thing I did well on this project that you’d like to see me do again?”
By having regular performance check-ins, you’ll be able to speed up your growth and identify your goals and focus areas rather than waiting for a once-a-year feedback session.
Being open to feedback (especially early in your career) sets the stage for continued development and professional growth. This openness to critique and constructive criticism not only leads to improved work but also helps in fostering a growth mindset, which is essential for personal and professional development. When you prioritize learning and improvement over seeking affirmation, you become more resilient in the face of setbacks and better equipped to handle the inevitable challenges that arise throughout your career. So, embrace feedback, ask for it early and often, and use it as a tool to refine your skills and become the best version of yourself.
