(Originally published in Harvard Business Review, January 18, 2024).
It was a summer afternoon in 2002. I sat across the boardroom table from the woman who might become my first manager. I looked around and smiled. It was the kind of office I had always envisioned myself working in — modern, bustling, with an air of restless energy. The woman’s words snapped me back to reality: “We’re thrilled to offer you the position. Welcome to the team!”
I should have felt elated, but a knot formed in my stomach. I had been interviewing with her team over the past few weeks, and over the course of the process, my excitement had been replaced by doubt. The more I learned about the role — an organizational development position on a Human Resources team — the more I realized it didn’t fit in with my career aspirations. I had imagined the position would be rich with creative freedom, but the reality was a rigid, structured environment that left little room for innovation.
The thought of declining the offer filled me with dread. I was about to turn down what many of my fellow psychology graduates would consider a dream job. How do you say no to a company that has already envisioned you as part of their future? The fear of an awkward, potentially bridge-burning conversation loomed over me. Yet, deep down, I knew that accepting a role misaligned with my goals would be a disservice to both me and the company.
The decision weighed on me long after I left the office. I slept on it for several nights. The challenge was not just in declining the offer, but in navigating the conversation with grace and professionalism, ensuring that this closed door wouldn’t shut others in the process. I ended up nervously calling to turn the employer down, and while the conversation was uncomfortable, I felt happy with how I delivered the news.
If you have ever found yourself in a similar position — being offered a big job or a major project that your gut tells you to decline — navigating the situation effectively can have a big impact on future opportunities. Here are a few ways to handle it without burning a bridge.
Don’t sit on the decision – act with speed.
Acting swiftly in declining a job offer — ideally within 24 to 48 hours of receiving it — is crucial. Delaying your response can unfairly string the potential employer along and hinder their recruitment process, affecting other candidates who might be waiting in the wings. Prompt action not only reflects your professionalism and respect for the employer’s time but also minimizes any negative impact on their hiring timeline.
By making a timely decision, you demonstrate your mindfulness towards the company’s resources and efforts. Moreover, a quick response helps in alleviating your own stress and allows you to refocus on finding opportunities that better align with your career goals. This speed in communication, while challenging, underscores your commitment to integrity in professional interactions, setting a positive tone for your future career endeavors.
Ditch the email. Pick up the phone.
While it’s always easier to deliver uncomfortable news via email, don’t take the easy way out. Choosing to decline a job offer via a phone conversation, rather than an email, is a decision rooted in respect and the desire for clear, yet nuanced communication. A phone call allows for a more personal and direct form of interaction with the recruiter or hiring manager, demonstrating your sincerity and regard for the opportunity you’re turning down.
It also provides a platform to convey the subtleties and complexities of your decision, which can often be lost in written communication. This approach enables you to express your gratitude, explain your reasons in a respectful manner, and respond to any immediate questions or concerns the employer might have. Additionally, a phone conversation can help maintain a positive relationship with the employer, leaving the door open for future opportunities.
It’s always best to send an email after to thank them and reiterate your position.
Frame your response with grace.
How you put your point forward is critical. It could make you appear professional and rational, or it could make you look disrespectful and close any future opportunities at this company. Here are two things to keep in mind:
Think about the situation from their point of view, not yours.
When you’re declining their offer, it’s important to consider the situation from the employer’s perspective. Acknowledge that your decision, though right for you, might make them feel like they’ve wasted their time and resources. They have invested in the recruitment process, from reviewing applications to conducting interviews and assessments, and possibly turning away other candidates.
To address this sensitively, demonstrate an understanding of their situation.
You could say: “While I was very impressed with the mission and values of the organization and the passion that people have for their jobs, I apologize for taking up your time without being in a position to accept the offer. I understand how much time and resources go into a hiring process and I’m deeply appreciative of the time you took getting to know me. I’m truly grateful for the opportunity, but my conversations with you all have helped me understand that the role isn’t the right fit for me. It would be beneficial for both of us that I decline this role now and so you can fill it with someone who’s a better fit.”
This approach not only demonstrates respect for the employer’s efforts but also shows empathy towards the people who were involved in the hiring process.
Be clear, but not harsh.
When declining a job offer, it’s essential to provide a clear reason for your decision, while ensuring that your explanation is not perceived as harsh or overly critical of the employer. The clarity in your reason helps the employer understand your perspective and can even provide them with valuable feedback for future reference.
Try to strike a balance in your communication, framing your reason in a way that is honest yet tactful. Avoid negative critiques of the company or the role. Instead, focus on how the opportunity doesn’t align with your career goals or personal circumstances. Instead of saying, “This is not what I was looking for. Your work style doesn’t seem quite right for me,” a better way to express your point could be, “The more I learned about this role, I realized that it didn’t align with my long-term career goals. While I respect the team and culture you have built, I’m seeking a role with more creative freedom.”
This approach not only maintains a respectful tone, but it also helps preserve a positive relationship.
Keep in touch and add value.
Maintaining connections with the individuals you encountered during the job application process is a strategic move for network building. Remember, these are professionals who recognized your potential and valued your skills enough to extend a job offer. Keeping in touch with them may be helpful for future opportunities and collaborations.
However, it’s not just about preserving a contact — it’s about actively engaging and finding ways to add value to these relationships. This might involve sharing relevant articles, industry insights, or introducing them to other professionals in your network who could be of mutual benefit. These gestures demonstrate your ongoing interest in the field and your commitment to fostering deeper relationships.
Declining a job offer, especially early in your career, can be daunting. Nonetheless, it’s a testament to your self-awareness and commitment to your career goals. By handling this process with professionalism and grace, you’ll pave the way for opportunities that better align with your aspirations and establish yourself as a thoughtful and respectful professional.
